The Heart Is Slow To Learn
by AerynQ
Summary: What if Scully and Doggett never found Mulder?


The Heart Is Slow To Learn  
Author: AerynQ   
Disclaimer: I don't own X-files and I did not write the song "The heart Is Slow to Learn", even if I wish I did. (X-files is Chris Carter's (duh) and the song belongs to ALW.) Remember, the SONG ISN'T MINE.  
Notes: A song story. Scully's POV. Set about three years in a future in which Scully never found Mulder.   
Feedback: "mailto:carlottaq@hotmail.com"   
Thanks: Lots of thanks for my Beta reader Erin Cale for going through this one even though she hates Broadway music.  
  
The heart is slow to learn  
The heart is slow to learn  
These feelings that I feel  
Are foolish but there real  
I'm wise enough to see  
Our love will never be  
And each days like the last  
When living in the past  
I know it's mad  
And you won't return  
But then as I have said  
The heart is slow to learn  
I've never loved  
As I have loved you  
Why is love cruel?  
I wish I knew  
Say what you will  
It doesn't matter  
Until I die there's only you  
The heart is slow to learn  
The heart is slow to learn  
You think there'd be a way  
To shut out yesterday  
Perhaps if I just thought  
Of all the times we fought  
I try and yet I know  
There's still no letting go  
I know it's mad  
And you won't return  
But then as I have said  
The heart is slow to learn  
Why is love cruel?  
I wish I knew  
Say what you will  
It doesn't matter  
Until I die there's only you  
Until I die there's only you  
The heart is slow to learn  
  
  
Case files, and a few scattered photographs are the only concrete evidence left of Mulder's existence. We don't talk about him at the bureau any more. His secluded basement office has been taken over by John Doggit, his "I Want To Believe", poster and almost insane dedication to the truth disappearing not long after the man. Of course, I still search for the truth, but without his unbridled enthusiasm the search seems futile.  
Our search for him has proved futile as well. After three long years of desperately seeking him I have all but given up. Still, there are days when I half way expect him to come strolling into my office, carrying some Chinese food, and ask for the lowdown on our latest case. But that's something that will only happen in my dream. And my dreams go far beyond that, for when Mulder left he left behind one more thing, my broken heart.  
I hate to admit how much I need Mulder. It seems so cruel, that so soon after my love for the man was realized he was stolen from me in such an abrupt matter. For eight years he witnessed every event in my life, but it seems in his absence he's missed so much more, for instance the birth and subsequent death of my child. The labor was an easy one, but all it produced was a stillborn child whose body was so mangled it was impossible even to tell whether it was male or female.  
He also missed my marriage and engagement to Roland Ingles. He was a young agent, new to the bureau and had been assigned to work on the X-files with Doggit and myself. He was immediately smitten with me, though the feeling was and still is any thing but mutual. Over the course of two years though I began to feel something for him, that though it never came close to approaching the love I felt for Mulder, I didn't want to loose. And so when he proposed to me, I accepted, knowing that the one I truly loved would never return to me.  
My marriage has been easy. Roland and I never fight as Mulder and I did. We live together compatibly because he agrees with every word I say, or at least he pretends to. Still, Even the arguments I used to have with Mulder have become a pivotal thing in my dream world, a world that consists of aliens, government conspiracies, and the hesitant touch of a loving partner, a world that I once inhabited and in a way still do.  
I will never see Mulder again and I've resigned myself to that. I will be faithful to my husband, and dedicated to my career. But as long as I live Fox Mulder is the only one I will ever love.   
  
  



End file.
